Why Your Parents Aren't the Best Career Advisors (Even Though They Mean Well)
When you face a big career decision—a job offer, a career change, or a tricky work situation—your first instinct might be to call your mom or dad. Your parents mean well, but they’re just not your best career advisors. The problem isn’t that they don’t love you; it’s that their hopes, fears, and past experiences get in the way. They want the best for you, but their advice often comes with emotional baggage that clouds your judgment.
Here’s what really happens during those calls: You mention a salary, and they pause. You talk about moving cities, and their tone shifts. You hang up feeling more confused than before. That’s because career conversations with parents are never just about your career. They’re also about their dreams for you, their worries about your future, and unresolved issues from their own work lives. You end up reading between the lines, wondering if you’re measuring up or disappointing them. That emotional static makes it hard to think clearly.
So, who should you turn to instead? The best career advisors are people who know you well but have no personal stake in your choices. They’re close enough to understand you, but far enough from family drama to give you honest, unbiased feedback. Let’s explore how to find them and use their advice wisely.
How to Find the Right Person for Career Advice
What you need is someone who knows you deeply and has no hidden agenda. That combination is rare, but it’s out there. Start by looking at the edges of your inner circle:
- A family friend who watched you grow up but isn’t directly involved in your daily life.
- A former coach, teacher, or professor who saw your strengths before you even recognized them.
- An older sibling or cousin who’s navigated their own career without needing yours to look a certain way.
- Someone who’s struggled—like an uncle who got laid off at 52 and rebuilt, or an aunt who spent 15 years in the wrong career before making a change. People who’ve faced hardship have learned hard lessons, and that wisdom is gold.
Pay special attention to those who’ve been through tough times. They’ve had to honestly reckon with what went wrong, and that honesty is exactly what you need.
Ask the Right Questions to Get Real Career Advice
Once you’ve found your person, don’t waste the conversation by asking, “What should I do?” That question rarely leads to useful answers. Instead, tailor your questions to their life experiences:
- For someone who’s faced career turbulence: “Was there a moment you knew something was wrong but stayed anyway? What kept you there?”
- For someone with a long, stable career: “Looking back, what would you have done differently in your first five years?”
- For anyone: “Knowing what you know now, how would you think about a decision like mine?”
The goal is to understand how they actually thought and felt when they were in the thick of it. That’s where the real insights live—not in generic advice, but in their personal stories and struggles.
What About Your Parents? Keep the Conversation, Change the Questions
This doesn’t mean you stop talking to your parents about your career. But go into those conversations knowing what they can realistically offer. Even the most well-meaning parents find it hard to be neutral. Their hopes color what they hear, and their anxieties shape what they say. Plus, you’re probably editing yourself around them—softening your real thoughts, pretending to be more certain than you feel, and bracing for reactions that may never come.
So, don’t bring them a live decision. Instead, ask questions that tap into what they know best: you. Try these:
- “What patterns have you noticed in my career choices over the years?”
- “What strengths do you see in me that I might overlook?”
- “Based on what you know about me, what should I be careful about?”
These questions remove the pressure of feeling like their answer decides your next move. They also let your parents share their unique perspective without the emotional static. And don’t forget: your parents might have valuable connections—a former colleague, a friend in your field, or someone who’s done exactly what you’re considering. That’s a resource worth tapping.
The Bottom Line: Get Career Advice That Actually Helps
Your parents will always be part of your career conversations. They’ll ask questions, offer opinions, and forward you articles. That’s not going to stop. The goal isn’t to shut them out. It’s to get better at knowing what those conversations can and can’t give you—and to stop treating them as your only option.
The best career advice often comes from someone who knows you well but has no skin in the game. That call you haven’t made yet—to a mentor, a former colleague, or a wise family friend—might be the most useful career conversation you have this year. Make it happen.
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