Why expertise alone may not open doors

Vanessa Van Edwards had prepared a 15-slide presentation outlining her vision for a television show. She knew her material and was ready to pitch it. But before the presentation, she struggled to connect with the executives during small talk. Focused on delivering her pitch, she missed an opportunity to build rapport.

The network ultimately decided not to move forward, telling her they didn’t feel she had the presence to carry the show. Her expertise and preparation hadn’t been enough to secure the opportunity.

Rather than letting the experience define her, Vanessa used it as a starting point for years of research into what makes conversations effective. The lesson: your expertise matters, but connecting with people can influence whether they get the chance to recognize it.

Recent workplace research points to a similar disconnect: hiring managers report a 30%+ “perception gap” between technical preparation and interpersonal readiness, and rank active communication as the single deciding factor in career advancement. Credentials matter, but so does how you connect.

Practice communication instead of labeling yourself

It’s easy to describe communication as a fixed part of your personality: “I’m awkward,” “I’m not good at networking,” or “I’m not a natural public speaker.” But those labels can make skills that are developable feel impossible to change.

I know this from experience. In law school, I was afraid of being called on in class, and public speaking made me anxious. Instead of treating that discomfort as proof I wasn’t cut out for it, I looked for chances to practice. When anxiety made me want to stay quiet, I raised my hand. Over time, I began to see fear as an opportunity to develop a skill. Confidence often follows action rather than preceding it.

You can use the same approach in everyday professional situations. If networking feels uncomfortable, practice starting conversations. If speaking up in meetings is difficult, prepare one contribution beforehand and commit to sharing it. If a difficult conversation makes you anxious, rehearse how you’ll open it.

You don’t need a new personality to communicate more effectively. You need a willingness to practice the moments that feel uncomfortable.

Adapt your approach while staying authentic

Effective communication isn’t about using the same approach in every situation or becoming a different person. It’s about noticing what a conversation calls for while remaining yourself. When you’re less experienced, curiosity can be more useful than certainty: focus on the person in front of you, ask a follow-up question, and explore a perspective you hadn’t considered. That helps make the exchange about more than creating a good impression.

Curiosity should go hand in hand with clarity. When you present a recommendation, unnecessary apologies and qualifications can cast doubt on your idea before anyone has heard it. Instead of opening with “I don’t know if this is a good idea, but…,” try, “I recommend we consider this approach because…” You can acknowledge what you don’t know and still communicate what you do know with confidence.

Van Edwards advises paying attention to your opening words: the first five words matter, whether you’re speaking in a meeting or writing an email. Choose confident language such as “I’m confident that” rather than “I think” or “I’m pretty sure.” She also recommends keeping sentences short. Her readers often highlighted the shortest, most direct passages in her earlier books. Clear, concise language makes your message easier to understand without requiring you to sound infallible.

Use setbacks as feedback and make connection a career strategy

Vanessa’s television pitch could have remained an embarrassing memory. Instead, she treated the outcome as evidence of a skill gap and began investigating how people build meaningful connections. That choice is the difference between learning from a setback and letting it become your identity.

When something goes wrong, it can be tempting to draw a sweeping conclusion: a missed promotion means you’re not leadership material, or an awkward conversation means you’re bad with people. One experience doesn’t have to define you. Rather than asking, “What’s wrong with me?” ask what you can learn, what skill was missing, and what you might do differently next time. You can’t control every outcome, but you can prepare, respond to feedback, and use experience to improve.

Connection isn’t a substitute for competence; it helps make competence visible, useful, and trusted. Alongside your résumé, credentials, and work, the questions you ask and how you respond to disagreement matter. Choose one communication skill to practice intentionally this week: ask a more thoughtful question in a meeting, share a recommendation without apologizing, or reach out to someone you admire to get to know them. Small changes can create opportunities you might otherwise miss.