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I can’t wait for my medical conference in Chicago to come to an end so I can head back to Kenya. The US has shown me fire, as youngsters are wont to say nowadays.

Fearing that things with Harper, my host’s daughter, were going too fast and I don’t want to crap where I sleep, I decided to go out on a date with Ava, a woman I met yesterday at a coffee shop down the street. The date was set for today at six in the evening.

Since I’m new here, I had suggested we meet at the same coffee shop and she was okay with it. Ava comes in five minutes after me, carrying a small baby.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “My babysitter bailed on me and I didn’t want to disappoint you. Hope you don’t mind?”

I’m a little disappointed, but I like that she made our date. “That’s fine. I don’t mind one bit.”

We make our orders, including some milk for the toddler.

“How old is he?” I say to appear more interested than I am.

“Her name is Megan. She’s six months old.”

“Oh! She’s a girl? I’m sorry. I’m new to…”

“White people?”

“American people.”

Before our orders arrive, Ava hands me the baby. “Do you mind holding her while I visit the little girl’s room? Thank you.”

The baby is now in my hands and Ava disappears towards the bathrooms. Megan is a good sport. She just stares at me, sucking on her pacifier.

When the orders come, I realise Ava hasn’t returned from the bathroom. As I wait, I feed Megan her milk. One hour later, Ava is still not back. Now I panic.

Her phone goes straight to voicemail, so I ask the barrister if he’s seen her. He hasn’t. We search the entire establishment. Nothing. The barrister calls the police.

Do I know Ava’s other name? No.

Do I know where Ava lives? No.

Do I have another working number for Ava? No.

The police take custody of Megan and tell me if Ava contacts me, I should tell her to contact them. On my way back to my host’s house, I pass by a steakhouse and lo and behold. Who do I see inside, seated at a table with another man? Ava, of course.

So, I do what any jilted man would do. I call the police.

As they haul her away, she looks at me and says, “You couldn’t wait one godamm hour? What kinda man are you?”

Turns out I was the babysitter as she went on a date with another dude.